Not necessarily. Separate mediation sessions may be possible.
When people think about family mediation, they often imagine both parties sitting around the same table, discussing their separation and trying to reach an agreement together.
But this is not the only way mediation can take place.
In Ireland, mediation can be conducted with the parties together or separately, depending on the circumstances and what is appropriate for the mediation process.
This can be particularly helpful when communication between the parties is difficult, when emotions are high, or when one person does not feel comfortable meeting the other person face-to-face.
What if one person does not want to meet the other?
A person may be willing to participate in mediation but may not feel comfortable sitting in the same room as the other party.
In some circumstances, the mediator can meet with each person separately.
This approach is sometimes referred to as shuttle mediation.
The mediator may move between separate sessions with each party, helping them identify the issues, understand what is important to each person and explore possible areas of agreement.
The parties do not necessarily have to be in the same room at the same time.
Can an agreement still be reached?
Yes, it can be possible.
The purpose of mediation is to help the parties reach their own mutually acceptable agreement. The Mediation Act 2017 provides that participation in mediation is voluntary and that the outcome is determined by the parties themselves.
For example, a separating couple may need to reach agreement about:
- arrangements for their children;
- parenting and child contact;
- maintenance;
- the family home;
- finances and assets;
- communication between parents;
- holidays and special occasions; or
- other practical arrangements following separation.
The Courts Service confirms that family mediation can address issues including children, maintenance, the family home, money, assets and pensions.
The parties can work through these issues without necessarily having a face-to-face meeting.
What does the mediator do?
The mediator remains neutral and impartial.
The mediator does not decide who is right or wrong and does not make decisions for either party.
Instead, the mediator helps each person communicate their concerns, identify their priorities and consider possible solutions.
Under the Mediation Act 2017, the outcome of mediation is determined by the mutual agreement of the parties. The mediator should also ensure that each party is aware of their right to obtain independent legal advice before signing a mediation settlement.
This means that separate sessions are not about the mediator becoming the solicitor or representative of either person.
They are about creating a structure in which both people can participate in the mediation process without having to sit together.
What happens if one person makes a proposal?
The mediator can facilitate communication between the parties while maintaining neutrality.
The mediator does not become the representative or advocate of either party.
Under the Mediation Act 2017, the mediator generally does not make proposals to resolve the dispute unless all parties request the mediator to do so. The parties remain responsible for deciding whether they accept any proposed solution.
Each person can also obtain independent legal advice during the process.
Does separate mediation mean that we can avoid court?
Sometimes, yes.
If both parties are able to reach agreement through mediation, they may be able to resolve some or all of their issues without having those issues determined by a court.
For example, the Courts Service explains that a Deed of Separation can be negotiated through mediation or through solicitors. A Deed of Separation is a legally binding agreement, although it is not itself a court order and does not allow either spouse to remarry.
Where appropriate, the parties can obtain independent legal advice about the agreement and the legal steps that may be required.
However, mediation cannot guarantee that court proceedings will not be necessary. Some matters may require a court order, and either party remains free to end mediation.
What if there has been conflict or domestic violence?
This is particularly important.
Separate sessions are not automatically appropriate in every case simply because the parties do not meet each other.
The suitability of mediation needs to be considered carefully, particularly where there are concerns about domestic violence, coercion, intimidation or the safety of a party or child.
The Courts Service states that mediation may not be appropriate in certain circumstances, including cases involving domestic violence.
The Mediation Act 2017 also requires a solicitor, in relevant proceedings, to advise a client that mediation is voluntary and may not be appropriate where the safety of the client or their children is at risk.
This is why an individual pre-mediation/suitability discussion can be an important part of the process.
You do not have to decide everything in the first session
Mediation does not require the parties to solve everything immediately.
The Courts Service states that family mediation takes, on average, between three and six one-hour sessions, although the number of sessions varies depending on the circumstances and progress of the parties.
The process can therefore allow time to work through difficult issues gradually.
A different way forward
If you are separated and the idea of sitting face-to-face with the other person is preventing you from considering mediation, it may be worth asking whether separate mediation sessions could be appropriate in your circumstances.
Mediation is not about forcing two people to agree.
It is about providing a structured and confidential opportunity to explore whether an agreement can be reached — while allowing each person to make their own decisions and obtain independent legal advice.
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